A glass of milk

I should know better than to post about the tempestuous nature of Candace's emotions taking a turn for the better. Yesterday, at dinner time, we had another set-back, all caused by this:

More specifically, caused by the unfortunate inability of the above pictured glass of milk to morph into this:

No, there was no strawberry milk in the house... not even any strawberry flavored syrup. A major meltdown was had, which managed to linger in a lesser form all the way through bedtime.

Actually, I was anticipating this meltdown. It had been brewing since bedtime on Saturday, when I read the girls a bedtime story that I thought they would enjoy: a lovely book called Yafi's Family, which is about an Ethiopian boy adopted by an American family. I thought the twins would enjoy hearing a story about a child like them. Alas, it hit too close to home, I think. Sad and angry feeling were dredged up, and we all got to experience the brunt of them.

I feel so stupid. And sad.

Moving foward

Sometimes I think that Candace and I have come a long way in our relationship. I know now that she does love me. She knows that I love her. I believe she trusts me to keep her safe and to stay with her always.

Then something might happen, like school starts. Things are "new". Different. Maybe a little scary. And all of our great progress seems to go right out the window. Back to the volatile behavior; "I love you, Mommy" one minute directly segues into a toddler-like wailing tantrum the next. It is so draining. And I frequently find myself responding in a less than positive way.

Time to remember that my sweet little girl is a work in progress. I tell people that my littles have been broken, and we need to help them mend. But it's so easy to forget in the heat of the moment and just be angry at what appears to be juvenile and manipulative behavior. Behavior that is really a cry for reassurance and structure.

The steps backward are discouraging, but I think overall we have gone mostly forward. I'm going to try to stay mindful... mindful of the needs of a little person who has had an awful lot of very hard things happen in her short life. To let her know it's okay to move forward, that I will be right behind her, every step of the way.

Fretful

I am a fretful person by nature. Here are some of the things I am fretting about right now:

1. One of the twins seems to be having trouble making friends at school.
2. Our home study still isn't officially approved by the placement agency.
3. I can't mail the I-600A in without the home study
4. I have a sad lack of social interaction with adults since we moved out to the country.
5. I'm second guessing my new hair cut.
6. One of my dogs is getting old and decrepit.
7. There is entirely too much yelling going on at this house.

This is just a sampling. There are several other things that I just don't want to list on my blog. I am not sleeping well (nothing new) and have been having a lot of headaches. I am wishing that a lack of appetite would kick in because I could stand to lose a few pounds.

Labor Day weekend

We had a fun weekend for Labor Day. First up, on Friday the twins and the other little girls from summer cheer/dance camp performed with the big girls at the AGHS football season opener. It was fun, and the Bluejays were victorious!

Candace, Anna and Sarah at the game

Yesterday, we had some extended family over for a barbecue and some lake fun. Sarah and Candace enjoyed having a bunch of kids around to play with, and Tom and I had a great time visiting with my cousins.

Candace, Sarah and cousin Caden rolling rocks down the slide into a bucket.

Adoption Experiences

Last week, my blog was added to a web site called Adoption Experiences. I am happy to be asked to participate in such a great listing! There are blogs there focusing on all different aspects of adoption: older child adoption, international adoption (many countries represented), attachment, domestic adoption, special needs adoption... you name it, there will be a blog relating to it! You can get there by clicking on the button located in my sidebar on the left of this page. (Scroll down past My Blog List.) Enjoy!

A frustrating lack of progress

I haven't posted anything about the progress over our second adoption lately because there is nothing to report! (Hint: use of italics here indicates extreme frustration.) While we are very happy with our agency's excellent reputation and meticulous attention to detail, apparently the wheels of progress turn very slowly at this very large agency. We are waiting for our home study to be approved so we can send in our I-600A. Also, apparently we aren't allowed to be privy to the items needed for our dossier until our home study is approved. We know what goes in the dossier from completing our first adoption, but since different agencies tend to want things done in slightly different ways, I can't really get any of it done until we get the green light from CHSFS.

On our first adoption, we had all the paperwork done except for the I-600A approval about six weeks after the agency application was turned in. Clearly that is not going to happen this time. I hate feeling like I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs. :(

A public apology

Dear Mom,

I wish to offer a heartfelt apology for every time I said "yuck", "eww", "but I don't like that" or made any other disparaging comment or horrid face regarding any meal you ever lovingly prepared for our family. Including, but not limited to, the noodles with the ham cubes.

Most sincerely,

Your Loving Daughter

The first day of school

Today was the big day... the start of the 2010-2011 school year. The first day of kindergarten!

Sarah was a little apprehensive, but Candace was very excited to get the ball rolling!

They were both all smiles as they got off the bus!

Big sister Anna started her junior year of high school today, too. I can't believe my little Anna is that old. Here is a picture of her goofing around during cheer team photos. New uniforms this year! Anna is on the left.

A giving heart

An unexpected bonus of adopting children from the third world is that my older kids have really developed a wonderful sense of responsibility to the world's needy people. My oldest daughter, Emily, made this video and she is hoping to organize a sponsorship of an Ethiopian child by her sorority at Iowa State. She is planning to be able to help and serve others in her future career in social work. We are so proud of the kind and empathetic heart that she has. :)

Big Love

Sarah told me this story recently: "Mommy, when I was in Ethiopia, my love was small, only this big." Here she made a little heart with her hands.
"But then, you came and whole family came and now my love is this big!" And she threw her arms open wide.
My love is big, too. And growing every day. :)

Vacation

Summer is winding down, school starts here in a couple of weeks... I love summer and hate to see it drawing to a close, but we were able to take my parents with us on a great vacation before we all get back into our school time routine. Thanks for coming, Mom and Dad. :)

Candace and Sarah saw the ocean for the first time.

My mom and my big kids.

Up close and personal with one of the famous Barbary Apes.

Some summer fun

These are some pictures from our trip to visit relatives in Indiana last month. We visited the fabulous Indianapolis Children's Museum with Grandma Spears, Aunt Johanna and cousin Meredith. If you are ever near Indianapolis, you should go! It is the world's largest museum for kids, and it is wonderful.

Twins, Daddy and Meredith hanging out with dinosaurs.

Sarah, Candace and big brother Kenneth in the Egypt display area.


The Barbie exhibit was super cool! My sister Johanna and I loved it; probably even more than our little girls did!


This is our family with my parents at their 50th anniversary celebration. Kind of a wacky photo, but the only one from the evening with everyone in it!



Anna and the twins playing in the wading pool at Grandma's house.

Personal selfishness

I've been thinking about selfishness a lot lately. My own. It is making me more than a little uncomfortable. I've been thinking about how easy it is to accuse someone else of selfishness, and also how easy it is to excuse my own selfish behaviors.

We have a beautiful home in an idyllic setting... it's way more than what is needed to comfortably house my family. Is this selfish? Is it selfish to have frivolous things like jewelry that I treasure? You could feed a lot of people or send a lot of children to school for the amount of money that paid for my treasured bracelet.

Is it selfish to want another child when we have five already? Five who each have their own particular needs... some more major than others, but all important to that person and our family. What about taking a child from half way across the world, away from his family and culture... is that selfish?

Or spending a couple of thousand dollars on surgery for our beloved little dog?

I don't know the answers. I am going to try to find them.

Beautiful Nebraska

Don't worry, be happy... for us

There is nothing really new to report on our new adoption. We got our fingerprints for the FBI last week, and next week we are going to get physicals. We are still waiting for application paperwork from the agency.

I have a funny feeling that people aren't really excited for us this time around. When we were referred twins instead of one child in 2008, some people seemed to think that was a lot to add to our family at this stage in our lives. Mostly, though, people were excited and supportive. I feel like the reaction with this adoption is something like this:

Me: "We're going back to Ethiopia to adopt a 3 1/2 year old boy!"

Person: "Wow. Really? Well. That's great."

I don't know, maybe six kids is the magic number where people begin to wonder if we are on our way to becoming the Duggars. Maybe some think we are too old to have a four year old at home. Maybe some think transracial families are strange. Maybe I'm just reading a lot into the situation that isn't really there.

I guess I'll get my giant shoe ready to move into just in case.