Monday, January 31, 2011

Lightening my load

When I was in Ethiopia, we saw many women loaded down just like the one pictured here. They are carrying firewood they gathered on Mount Entoto to take down the mountain and sell. All this work for a dollar or so a day. She carries this load because she has to in order to make a living.

I believe I have mentioned before that I am a fretter by nature. I carry huge mental loads with me all the time. Right now, I am burdening myself with negative thoughts about everything that could go wrong with our adoption.

I sat down today to do my Bible study, which this week covers chapter 40 of Isaiah. The theme of the verses we are studying is that we need to focus on God and put our trust in him over false idols, and one of the questions asked "what idols do you put before God in your mind, emotions and time?"

Wow. The answer came to me so quickly it was almost scary... the internet. Now, I don't think the internet is evil. But I do think that it's ability to help us find instant "answers" can be misleading. In my case, my anxiety over adoption issues has caused me to constantly check various internet groups and websites to see if there were any new rumors or tidbits of information for me to obsess over. Not good. Not healthy. In fact, more times than not, participation in most of these groups left me feeling out of sorts and cranky and filled with fear and doubt.

I firmly believe that God has called our family to adopt in Ethiopia... so why in the world would I let these groups convince me otherwise? Unlike the Entoto women, I can choose to lighten my load.

I had my laptop sitting right next to me on the kitchen counter. I went over to my group page and deleted myself from several different groups and hit "enter". The feeling of lightness and freedom I felt from that one simple click was amazing. I have resolved today to listen to God more and the internet less.

But I'm not giving up my blog anytime soon. :)