Monday, September 29, 2014

The unpleasant business of waiting

I was really hoping that by now, I would know when our dear boy was coming home to us...but I don't.  We recently found out some new information about his past that is very heartbreaking, and I have been tied up in knots ever since.  Anxiety is my new constant companion.  I am a fretful person by nature, but every possible thing that could be troublesome seems to be multiplied ten fold.  When anxiety strikes, some people find solace in energetic activity of some type.  Umm, not me.  When I am feeling anxious or overwhelmed, I tend to go into a sort of hibernation mode, where even the most trivial of tasks seems insurmountable.  Laundry, meals, cleaning...heck, even just leaving the house...a struggle.

This is me, unable to stir up enough energy to fold a load of laundry.

I feel lethargic all day, wanting to do nothing but nap, read, and obsessively check my email.  I still feel so exhausted each night...but then, this old friend pops in for a visit:


...and so, I'm not sleeping well.  So then, I'm tired in the morning, which magnifies my feelings of anxiety, which makes me listless, so I nap, then I'm restless at night, which makes me tired...

Aargh.  Please, oh please, United States Embassy/USCIS people.  Approve my baby.  I need some normal here.