My dangerous pasttime

I read something recently in the Omaha World-Herald that got me thinking... "A dangerous past-time.." "I know." *

Anyway.

The article was written by local columnist Rainbow Rowell and it deals with gender roles and toys. I will wait here patiently while you read or skim it, which will save me a lot of time recapping the article. Lazy, yes. I've had a hard month; indulge me.

Okay. So what I was thinking today is that when it comes to gender roles, many people (and by this I mean mostly, but certainly not exclusively, women) seem to get quite bent out of shape by any toy, television show, product etc. that goes out of its way to appeal to girls by being... well, girlie. Some examples are the pink Legos mentioned by Rainbow, Disney princesses, Barbie etc. It's like being a girlie girl is letting down the people who worked so hard for women's rights or something.

Why?

I have boys and girls, and my personal experience is that they are just wired differently. Sure, sometimes my little boys played with dolls, or dressed up in princess dresses and jewelry. Sure, sometimes my little girls ran around the house hacking down imaginary enemies with their sword fighting skills. But really, I think that most girls are just naturally wired to enjoy "pretty" things and most boys are looking for some action and adventure. So why do so many these days feel embarrassed if their little girls want to act like GIRLS?

Maybe this is just another example of how the traditional roles of girls and women in society is just not valued as much as the traditional role of boys and men. We want our girls to go out and DO things. Don't just be suckered in by that cute baby or pretty dress, darn it! We are appalled that in the third world, girls are frequently treated as lesser citizens, not even worth educating in many places. But aren't we subtly saying the same thing about the worth of being a girl when we discourage girls from choosing a certain toy or activity or maybe even a career... just because of it's "girliness"?

Maybe I'm just sensitive since my career of choice is the girliest one of all... stay at home mom. I don't wear pearls and a nice dress while vacuuming and I don't want to... but I don't have a burning desire to be out in the wide world performing engineering time studies, either. (I did that. In another life... long ago.) I like to wear pretty clothes, I like to take care of babies and I'm a sucker for makeup in cute little packages. I totally would have loved My Little Pony (with combable hair!) and pink Lego sets if they were around when I was little. I remember my mom making me a Cinderella costume for Halloween when I was in the second grade, and one of my prized possessions was a coat that had a fake fur collar that I lovingly referred to as my "big buffy coat". I loved Barbies. I also had my own Tonka dump truck. And look, I grew up mostly normal.

If you have a daughter who happens to like trucks, Hot Wheels and ninja stuff, I don't have a problem with that. And my son loves his baby doll. Obviously, there is a lot of cross-over for both genders in their interests at any given time. But I think that we need to give little girls a break and let them know that it is definitely okay to be a girlie girl. Without apology. Because being a boy is great. And being a girl is great, too.



* See lyrics from Disney's Beauty and the Beast

All home!

In our first travel group for Thomas' adoption, for our court appointment in March, there were 11 families. Our second group in June had 10 additional families, some on their first trip and a couple on their embassy trip, like us. Twenty-one families. I am so happy to have learned yesterday that the final family from these two groups has brought their son home to the United States, as of late last week. Everyone has their family together for 2012! What a great way to start the New Year!

Mommy fail

So... if you read my blog just to see the cute pictures of the littles, you should probably skip this one.

People say to me all the time, "You have such a beautiful family." They see us out and about, at church or shopping or whatever, usually with happy kids, both big and little, and a reasonably cheerful mom and dad. We look like peace and love and racial harmony.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Sometimes... not.

What I really have, in many ways, is three families: the family with the big kids, or the "original" family; the family with the littles, which is sort of like the "new" family; and the "combined" family, which is where everything tends to go to hell in a hand-basket.

I feel like the woman in the graphic I've attached to this post. I've had the big kid plates spinning pretty well, those original three, and I could keep the little kid plates spinning pretty well too, even though they are hard plates to spin, if I could just set those big kid plates down for awhile. But I can't, because their plates need spinning too so I'm spinning all six at once and I also have the husband plate and the the pet plate and it's really hard and then... maybe some outside clown cuts in on my performance, like a death in the family, and Mr. Death Clown starts messing with my plates and everything just comes crashing DOWN!

What we get then is mommy melt-down, and it isn't pretty. It's a screaming, crying, hysterical mess that makes everyone just want to get away. From her. In these moments, I honestly feel like pretty much the worst mother on the planet. The. Worst. I feel like I am just not giving anyone what they need and like I am a total failure and you know what? It sucks.

My kids range in age from 22 to 5 at this time. That's a huge difference in terms of wants and needs for a mom to be in tune with. Concerns are ranging from career choices to learning to tie shoes. I know of so many moms who seem to be able to do it, but I'll tell you something... it's hard. I'm not sure I'll ever feel that I'm adequate at this.

I love my family. Every single member, completely and totally. I love that the big kids have sacrificed for the littles. I also hate that the bigs have sacrificed for the littles. I just wish that I could keep everyone's plate spinning perfectly and that I would be a better, more consistent performer.

Thomas' first trip to Disney World!

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Here comes another one, just like the other one

Candace and her missing front tooth... same one Sarah lost a few days ago. Well, they were easily identifiable briefly anyway.

Merry Christmas

Wishing you a joyous and blessed Christmas... from all of the Spears family here in Nebraska to your family, wherever you are!

All she wants for Christmas...

... is a visit from the Tooth Fairy. Well, probably not all she wants, but it will be a good start.

Sarah's new toothless smile!

His first major award!

Thomas was the thrilled second place winner of the holiday art contest sponsored by our local newspaper, The Ashland Gazette. All of the students at St. Mary's preschool participated in the contest along with other local children. Below is part of the article featuring his explanation of the award winning art he is proudly displaying.

(photo, The Ashland Gazette, 12/22/2011)

"Thomas Spears, 5, was awarded second place in the younger group (ages 4 to 7) for his drawing of a “monkey Santa” and a Christmas tree, which were being blanketed by a colorful orange snow. His favorite animal is the monkey, he said, thus the unusual depiction of Santa Claus. The color of the snow, well that’s another matter.

Perhaps it was because Thomas experienced his first snow this winter. He was adopted from his native country of Ethiopia in July by Tom and Paula Spears of rural Ashland. Thomas thought the snow was “cold” but not too cold to keep him inside. “I made a snowman,” he said with excitement. He also wanted to have a snowball fight, but unfortunately, there were no takers, according to his father.

Both second place winners were awarded a family meal deal from Breadeaux Pizza in Ashland."
(The Ashland Gazette, 12/22/2011)

Good-bye, Daddy

My daddy died on Wednesday, December 14, 2011. It was Thomas' birthday and I wanted to make sure he had his happy day. But my heart was broken. Today we said good-bye to Dad at his funeral Mass. I love my dad so much... I always thought I was his favorite child, but I rather suspect that my four siblings all thought that they were. He was that kind of a dad.

When I was in college, I was a co-op student at the General Motors division that my dad had worked at since he was an 18 year old college student himself. One semester, I worked in my dad's department, Transmission Service. Dad was the head of this department and had many employees. Once, we were all assembled in an auditorium for a presentation on some change in corporate policy. I remember the presenter gazing out over the large group assembled and turning to Dad and saying "Wow, Carl, this is a big group! Are these people all yours?" To which my father replied "Well, they're not mine, they just work for me. Except that one in the back, she belongs to me." Everyone looked at me and laughed... and I felt ridiculously proud.

My dad was highly respected and liked because he treated people the way he wanted to be treated. He was smart and he was wickedly funny. My kids bragged to their friends that their grandpa was the coolest and funniest grandpa around. Sometimes he was downright cranky. But we all always knew how much he loved us.

I am going to miss him so much for the rest of my life. I love you, Daddy.

In God's time

Remember when I wrote this? I am now happy to report this.
Thanks, God.

Thomas turns five!

Thomas had his first birthday as an American citizen today. He is officially five years old! He was very excited to take cupcakes to share at preschool, but even more excited for presents and birthday cake at home. We feel so lucky to have this wonderful little boy in our family!

Let the unwrapping begin!

Candace and Sarah were almost as excited as Thomas to get the presents opened.

Every gift was greeted with this display of genuine enthusiasm.

Thor... he loves it!

Thomas picked out this soccer cake with some help from Mommy.

After a pizza dinner, Thomas blew out his candles and we all enjoyed the delicious cake!

It's basketball season!

My husband Tom and I grew up in Indiana. That's basketball country; particularly high school basketball. Remember the movie "Hoosiers"? Small town squad wins the big state championship against the big boys from Indianapolis in storied Hinkle Fieldhouse (at Butler University for those of you who like NCAA Cinderella stories)... at any rate, I digress. High school basketball is very popular in Indiana, and although it definitely takes a back seat to football here in Nebraska, we enjoyed taking the youngsters to view AGHS in one of their early season match-ups last week. Of course, we were also there to cheer on the World's Cutest Cheerleader as she cheered on the Bluejays.

Important disclaimer: Although Tom and I are both Hoosiers by birth, we are Boilermakers by choice. This is a critical distinction.

Bluejay fans

The boys in action

Cheerleaders in action...

...including our favorite one.

Sisters

Dance team at half-time

New snow and ho, ho, ho!

Finally, what Thomas has been waiting for since his first glimpse of snowflakes back in early November... snow that stuck, deep enough to play in! Even better, it fell on the very day of his first visit with that jolly old elf, Santa Claus himself!

Candace, Santa, Sarah and Thomas

Ready for some snowy fun!


Thomas wanted to throw snowballs at someone very badly!
Alas, no takers. Maybe next time, buddy.

Joy in small things

Thomas spent the morning running errands with me yesterday. Our first stop was Mommy's orthopedist, where I got some cortisone shots in both shoulders... not my favorite thing. Thomas was a concerned observer after enduring six vaccinations himself a couple of weeks ago. We also went to the bank. The teller gave me some things for Thomas: a balloon, a sticker and a mini candy cane. When I gave them to Thomas, he said "All this for me?" He could hardly believe his good fortune. We also went to visit a friend who works at a gift shop. Thomas was enthralled with the Christmas "socks" on display. I explained that they were called stockings and that he would get one with his name on it to hang up for Santa to fill on Christmas Eve. When we got home, by the magic of the USPS, it was there! Thomas was so excited... we decorated the mantle right away.

I love how the small things make his face light up... a sticker and balloon, a stocking and a candy cane. I hope that his sweet appreciation for the small blessings will stay with him forever.

Thomas loves his stocking!

The holidays have begun!

We traveled to Indianapolis for Thanksgiving this year, our hometown and home of both sets of grandparents. In fact, my parents moved a couple of months ago, so they now live right around the corner from Tom's parents.  Although that seems like it would make visiting more convenient, this trip posed some new challenges. Firstly, although we have two large SUV's, you just can't fit eight people in an 8 passenger vehicle when there are three car seats involved. So we took two cars.  Secondly, we stayed in a nearby hotel, as our large family also overwhelms the small retirement community houses our parents live in.

We arrived in town Wednesday night and after quick hellos to the grandparents, settled down into our rooms at the hotel for some sleep.  Thanksgiving day was spent with the Spears family and Friday was at my sister Johanna's house with the Miles family.  Saturday we hit the road and were home again by dinner time.  It was sure nice to see everyone; the long drive for a short trip was worth it.

 Cousin Becky and boyfriend Rommel playing Yahtzee
with Candace and Thomas

 Kenneth, Emily and Anna with cousin Paul

 The Spears Family!

  Tom and his brother Andy... eyes on the football game.

 

 Sarah snuggling with cousin Libby.

 

 At the pool with my dear sister in law Linda.

  We're rarely photographed together since

we take all the pictures.

  Kenneth playing poker with cousins Noah and Dereck

and Uncle Colin while Candace and Grandpa observe.

 

 

 Kenneth explaining the fine points of the game to Candace.

  

 Candace reading with Aunt Johanna.

Thomas loves Anna!

Swimming with cousins Samantha and Allie and friend Hannah,

daughter of our college friend Elaine and her husband Chris.