Monday, August 15, 2011

Why, God?

I am a cradle Catholic, raised my whole life in the Catholic church. I have raised my own children in the faith. For the last several years, I have been trying very hard to devote more of myself and my daily life to God and listening to his calling; praying daily for discernment, for aid and to praise Him. I have rejoiced when I could see the answers to my prayers blessing myself and others.

But something has happened which is challenging me... I just don't understand how this could be God's plan.

A family has waited for their son from Ethiopia for over a year. They finally go to court in March. They leave believing they have passed that hurdle. After coming home, they receive the news that they in fact did not; more paperwork is required by the court. They wait. They wait some more. One by one, all of the other families in their group pass, but they are still waiting. Some of us pray and pray and pray. Finally, months later, they pass. Four days later, a massive orphanage closing goes on in Ethiopia, throwing all kinds of doubt into the process and shifting children around. I, however, am convinced that by the hand of God, they passed in the nick of time and all will be well. I am SURE all will be well. No matter that the new orphanage will not release their child to the agency transition home; it is surely a paperwork glitch and all will be well. I confidently share my opinion with the family that all will be well.

All is not well.

This family was told today that the regional MOWA in Awassa has indicated that they will not be releasing their child to them, ever. I don't know why. I don't know how this can even be. I don't know what will happen to this little boy. I am horrified, saddened and heartbroken. I am wondering how this can be what God wants... how is this part of the plan?

My faith is shaken. I am shaken. I feel like a sham; having shared my fruitless words of comfort, only to have this terrible outcome occur anyway.

The funny thing is, though, I don't know anything else that I can do. So I will pray. Pray for understanding, pray for healing, pray for comfort... pray for this family. Pray for my own faith.


Postscript: I found out later today that this situation is faced by five families of CHSFS. I know three of the families personally. The regional MOWA officials are planning to place the children back with birth families "if possible" and otherwise the children will be institutionalized. All of the families have valid court decrees from the Federal First Instance Court.

8 comments:

Kristen said...

Paula...
My heart aches for this family. My heart aches for you... and believe me... God weeps too. There are times when our faith is shaken. In my own battle w/ infertility my faith was shaken, but ultimately strengthen more than I could ever imagine. I would ask why? I would cry, I would hurt... I would pray. I learned to listen to His voice. I learned that His answer isn't always what I prayed for. I also learned that God didn't make it happen, but He allowed it to happen for reasons I might not ever know this side of heaven. I It took years for me to be at peace with this path I've journeyed. I also know that the Lord didn't want this for me... He didn't want me to hurt, but He knew He would be glorified more this way. It's not an easy answer... I had to confess "forgive my unbelief" many, many, many times.

I don't know why God allows certain things to happen... I don't know why God allowed this happen. I know that the "free will" of man sometimes disrupts the path God would desire for us to take. One thing I do know is this... no matter the difficulty, no matter the heartache The Lord is not shaken and is right there with you, and your friend in the midst of this storm. He has big shoulders our God... and I think it's perfectly OK to question Him. In our questioning I think He reveals so much to us. We see the knots... God sees the entire tapestry. His will for our lives is to trust Him. To come to know Christ as our savior and to spend eternity with Him. His will... that is inflexible.. but His ways are flexible. God's ways are mysterious. Sometimes His ways make no sense as we are in the midst of a storm. Sometimes things happen that aren't of God. In this fallen world it's heartbreaking that we have to experience such disappointment, such hurt...
Know this my friend... while you are hurting; while you are shaken, I am praying for you. For your faith, for your friends, for this little boy. I only wish we lived close so I could be with you in person. To pray with you, for your and to let you cry. Crying is good... at least I am convinced of that for myself (I cry a lot) ;)

I will pray over these verses for all of you:
John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord

This little boy, this family are all loved dearly by God. I am convinced that none of this is what God wants. This is at the hands of "man". I don't know what the "next" will be. But I will hold on to the hope that this family will have a son soon... and this little boy, while perhaps not placed with this family will be placed in a loving home.

I love you!
K

alainaw30 said...

I don't know that Kristen could have said it any better. This is a fallen world and God's heart is breaking as well. I think of all the times in the Psalms when David, a man after God's own heart, cries "how long, O Lord, how long?"

I know that all creation is groaning until the return of Christ. I know that God's ways are beyond ours. I know that very little in this world makes sense.

But I trust God. I trust that He is good. I trust that He has a plan to prosper and not harm His children. And when nothing else makes sense, I cling to what I do know to be true.

Crying with you and praying for your friends and this precious little guy.

Alaina

Shannon- said...

ow. I don't know what to say

Amy said...

Heartbreaking situation all around.

Ali said...

My thoughts and prayers are with those families and with the children involved... Heartbreaking, indeed.

Parental Rights said...

We just returned with our two little ones from Ethiopia. The system there is in upheaval between the Ethiopian government and the US government trying to clean up unethical practices while making it much more difficult for the innocent.

We faced nearly insurmountabe hurdles in satisfying the US Embassy with one of our two and were shaken by the experience. Thankfully, the Embassy finally relented, but I can almost imagine what the family described is experiencing as we wondered if we would be in that situation as well.

I pray for the child and the family, trying to trust God's providence, but still saddened and angered by "man's" depravity which makes the beauty of adoption so difficult to carry out.

kareydk said...

This is heartbreaking to hear. We can only hope these children have families to go back to. Institutionalization is for sure not the answer.

Ms. G said...

We are facing a similar situation with our adoption. We met our daughter and went to court on August 5. We are now being told that the southern regional government is trying to remove our daughter from her transitional home and return her to the south. We are heartbroken and worried about what the future may look like for our sweet little girl. I would love to hear an update on what is happening with these other families facing this same nightmare. Praying for them and all the families and children caught in this horrible situation.