Monday, November 21, 2011

Wearing blinders

The idea of a "trauma anniversary" certainly isn't new, and I read about it in The Connected Child, Attaching in Adoption and Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child early in my relationship with the twins. It's funny to me, then, that I just wised up this year, our third November with the twins, that the reason they are so difficult at this time of year is that this is the time of year that they were relinquished to the orphanage in Nazret. I am sure they could not verbalize this. I am also sure that they have no idea what month is was, and they certainly don't get any clues by weather or cultural events, since both are vastly different in Nebraska and Ethiopia. Honestly, I don't know how it works... just another mystery of the human brain. But I do know that at this time, we experience lots of acting out and lots of sadness and longing for Ethiopia and the family they left behind. It is painful for me to watch and I am sure even more painful in their hearts. (It's also very draining for everyone, which explains my absence from this blog of late.)

We talked about their adoption story in therapy this week, and that seemed to help. In addition, I am trying to be extra patient with tantrums and controlling behavior. Not easy... but a lot easier than what they have been through. Love will see us through. Especially now that my blinders are off.


Charity Roach said...

Good for you Paula for writing this.... I'm thankful that Sara was relinquished at such a young age, she has nothing to remember - but that in itself is sad. I commend you for recognizing their struggle... many parents would not. It would just be looked upon as "difficult behavior". Those girls are blessed to have such an understanding mom. Many people think that adoption amounts to nothing more than adding an additional child to your family. Those people are so wrong. Adoption comes with so much more... tragedy, loss, fear, heart break - thank God for the love, understanding, family, security... all the good things that come with it as well. Give those girls an extra hug tonight! Praying for you, your family and especially those lovely little girls of yours!

Andrea said...

Awareness. Prayer. Openness. Communication. Patience.

It's hard, but someday, they will understand.