Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Four months


Candace and Sarah have been home with us for four months now. Really, the anniversary was yesterday, but I was too tired to write anything. Too tired physically and exhausted emotionally. I love those little girls so much that sometimes my heart hurts. Sometimes I just gaze at them and think about God's miracle that placed them in our family. They are so cute and so smart and so resilient. Those are the good parts. But sometimes they have so much anger and sadness and other hard emotions... I just feel drained. I try so hard to be the comforting mom, the one who can make things better, but sometimes I just don't feel like I can stand one more minute of the demands of emotionally needy five year olds or the needs of the equally emotionally needy teenage siblings. So a lot of days end up with me being the tired and impatient mom who wishes her husband was less busy with his new job and that everyone could deal without me for just one darn day! And then of course, guilty Mom rears her ugly head.

I guess I know that I can't fix the past for the twins even though I wish I could. On the plus side, although grieving issues have intensified, day to day living is easier than it was two or three months ago. The girls love preschool and gymnastics and can communicate well enough to participate in both. We still have issues with bedtime, but there are far fewer tantrums. The sense of entitlement seems to have diminished and both girls act more appreciative of the things they have.

Step by step, I guess. We'll make it.

5 comments:

Emily said...

Four months already! Praying today for emotional strength for you that is beyond your human capacity!

E Lohroff said...

And people say that the infant/toddler years are the worst! Parenting is never easy at any age, is it?

Emily said...

Woot woot! I miss you guys.

So, totally unblog related...yesterday we had depinning and big sis reveal, and tonight was initiation! I'll call you tomorrow sometime to tell you about it. (Yes, there is a secret handshake). In the meantime creep my facebook and you can see pictures of me with my big! Oh and Maggie and me our twins! (We have the same big). Also this weekend is our philanthropy so we're super busy and we have Yell Like Hell first cuts after it on Sunday...it's supposed to snow :(
I think I'm gonna come home the first week of November, unless house-party gets cancelled, which it might...

I didn't mean for this comment to turn into an information book, but oh well :)

Susan said...

We Mom's always want to make it right, but often we cannot. Give yourself and the twins time. 4 months is not long in family life. I know your day to day emotions as we have experienced them as well with our 2 1/2 year foster child Taylor. You have it x 2 and the cultural differences.
Praying for God's grace and healing. I love reading your blog you have a beautiful family!

Nikki said...

I think I found your blog a few months back and bookmarked it with a note to read up on your story. Well the months have passed, but I haven't read back to get the full tale of your journey. I clicked on your latest post this evening, and man, do I relate!?! We adopted twin girls age 7 and their little brother age 5. Little man has adjusted so well. The twins, not so much. Anger, grieving, impatient, bossy are just a few words. But in all fairness, they are loving, incredibly eager to help, funny and bright. They command my attention every waking minute of the day and yes, our bedtimes are sometimes the most difficult of days. We've been home a little over 3 months and I am just beginning to feel a small sense of peace over the house. It's getting better. Sometimes our three months at home seems like an eternity, and other days I remind myself that it's only been three months.

Blessings to you! I hope I get a chance to sit down with a little bit of quiet and read older posts on your blog!