Ready, set, go!

 These are packed and ready...

to go here...

to work with all of them...

and help mamas to blossom and families to thrive... why?

Because... every mother matters.

Spring Trip 2013

Birthday girl

Twenty-two years ago today, this squawking, slightly yellowish bundle of joy came into our world.

Baby Emily, fresh from the womb.

She grew up into an accomplished, loving and talented young lady who will graduate soon from Iowa State University and will be pursuing a masters' degree starting in June.

Emily... photo by Abbey Marie Photography

 (find Abbey's photos on Facebook)

Happy birthday, Emily!  Thank you for lighting up our lives for twenty-two years... we love you so much.

The birthday girl!

Two young authors

 We were very proud of Candace last year when she was selected to represent her class as a Young Author for AG elementary. This year, we are proud to have two young authors! Candace was selected once again, and Thomas was chosen for his class. Thomas was also selected as one of the three school wide winners, with his story chosen as the best from all of the kindergarten and first grade classes! In addition to these fancy certificates, winners also received smiley face pencils and enjoyed a special pizza party.  Each child will have a poster of him/her hung in their classroom, promoting a love for writing.  Honors and benefits already- at the ages of six and eight!

Young authors Thomas and Candace.

AG Elementary Young Authors of 2013

Winners for the three age divisions.

The three age group winners will have their work published by our local newspaper sometime in the upcoming weeks... we can't wait to see our little boy as a published author.

Hot pants

The story goes like this:

The twins are getting ready to take a shower.  While taking out  Candace's braids, I survey the pajamas they have brought to wear to bed that night.  Acceptable, but missing a pair of clean underwear.  I send Sarah back to my bedroom to get a clean pair.  She returns in a tardy and lolly-gagging fashion several minutes later.  I undo her hair and a few minutes later, both girls are in the shower.

But wait, what is that smell?

It smells like something burning... did Tom accidentally do something weird with the oven when he was cleaning up the kitchen?  No... so where is it?  The burning smell intensifies and Tom comes running in as I am babbling about how there is a FIRE somewhere, yikes oh mighty.  We finally notice smoke pouring from our bedroom ceiling fan and quickly turn the fan and light off.  As I help the twins finish their shower, Tom gets the step ladder to investigate.

Here is what he found:

Exhibit A

In case it isn't clear, that would be one pair of little girl's Barbie underwear, burned to a crisp, and the corresponding light bulb aforementioned undies landed on when tossed nonchalantly over the shoulder of the cotton-headed ninny muggins sent to get another pair.  Wow, where did they go after she tossed them?  Little Missy saw no sign, so she fetched an additional pair and went on her merry way.

Feeling pretty glad about two things:  1) I was in the room the entire time things were heating up, so we kept the damage low (one pair of undies and a light bulb) and 2) we managed to clear the smoke quickly enough that the dang smoke alarms didn't go off.  Oh, and I guess I should add 3) my house wasn't burned to the ground due to hot pants.

My big mistake

I made a big mistake recently. Anyone who has ever considered adoption or been through an adoption knows to avoid this one.

I fell hopelessly in love with a waiting child.

We haven't been looking for a child to adopt.  Still, I am on certain lists and emails come my way... and there was this boy.  And through a set of circumstances and "coincidences", I became certain that this child was destined to be mine.  I prayed and prayed; knowing that, at best, this was going to be a tough sell for almost everyone in my life.  I was sure that God was speaking and that this boy belonged to me.  Walls would come tumbling down.  Patience and faith were the keys... patience and faith.

Except they weren't the keys and this boy will not be my son.  Months passed while I patiently prayed for the pieces to fall into place.  But they didn't fall the way I had hoped for.  Tom feels our family is complete and will not be swayed from this position.  He, reasonably, doesn't want to risk tipping the delicate balance we have developed in our family.  While I might hear God, this time Tom does not.  Not here and now in this situation.  Faith and patience did not turn out to be my allies... while I was faithfully praying and patiently waiting, the agency advocating for this child quietly eliminated their waiting child list from Ethiopia and with it the listing for "my" boy.  I am too late.

I cry now for this child who was never mine and never will be.  I wonder what will become of him, a child with a significant special need in a third world country with absolutely no services to assist his family in caring for him now or to help him be a productive member of society in the future.  Will he grow to adulthood?  Will he get any education?  Will he be surrounded by people who will nurture him or will he end up on the streets?

I don't know.  I have no way to know.

I am sad that I will never have this boy to hold and love.  The ache I feel in my heart is almost unbearably painful.  I am sad that I was so wrong about what I thought God was asking me to do.  I wonder why it is so hard for me to hear God accurately, and yet so many other people seem to have a direct line right to their eardrums.  I feel foolish and faithless and hopelessly wrong.

And my heart is broken, with two big holes in it... a hole for this child and a hole for my faith.

Our family has grown by three...

...but only temporarily, and maybe not how you were thinking!

Our friend Alli is in between life phases. After spending several years teaching school in Addis Ababa, she returned to the USA to pursue some advancements in her education. Some life twists and turns occurred, and she and her little boys needed a place to hang out while waiting to move to St. Martin to pursue her medical degree. So... here they are in Ashland, Nebraska. Alli grew up nearby, so she isn't a stranger to the Great Plains. She is getting some time to study and we are enjoying having her and the delightful Zachary and Eyasu around the house.

 Zachary and Eyasu

We got to help Zach celebrate his third birthday!

Plus, Alli likes to bake... it's a win-win!

Eyasu, Tom and Miss Sylvia Kittywhiskens having a wrestle. 

Very sleepy Zach with Alli.

Winter blahs

I am stuck in some kind of winter doldrums. I have found myself sitting in front of my keyboard on several occasions, determined to write an interesting blog post... but no words come. I wanted to write about the adoption summit we attended, but no words would come. I wanted to write about race and adoption, but no words would come. I thought about many different topics, really... but I just can't seem to get the words from my brain down to the keys on my computer.

This time of year is always hard for me, with the shorter days and cold and often gloomy weather. It seems worse to me now; maybe because I am still having problems from my shoulder surgery in December and maybe because I am having some other physical issues that are dragging me down. I am so tired. 

Sometimes, I also find myself thinking that out of the thousands (millions ?) of blogs in the blogosphere, who cares what is happening at my house? My blog is mainly for me because I like to write. I do like to share pictures of the family. But gosh, what is the point? Nothing I have to say is going to influence the course of world events... or even local ones!

 Okay, now I've depressed myself.

Melkam Genna

Ethiopian Christmas is celebrated today, January 7. Yesterday, we hosted a gathering of local Ethiopian adoptive families for delicious food (both Habesha and American), fun and fellowship. What a great group of families... hope we can do this every year.

Thank you, Katja S., for taking these great pictures!

Tom and me

Thomas and a bunch of boys.  :)

 Moms

 Kids

Candace and Sarah

Enjoying the delicious food...

Good riddance to 2012

At the New Year, it's seems everyone is full of resolutions and reflections about the past year. To me, 2012 will be remembered as one of the most horrible years ever. There were some bright moments: delivering the BEMM ambulance to Mareya, Anna's high school graduation, blissful family time in Hawaii and finally falling in love with my youngest son among them. Layered over every single moment, though, is mourning... gut-wrenching, soul-draining grief over the loss of my dearly loved Daddy and my own struggles to handle it.

My grief has made me question everything about myself.  A formerly good athlete, I am physically falling apart.  An introvert by nature, I feel increasingly awkward around groups of people and just want to be home alone with my family more and more.  My family is my only joy.  I am lonely.  I worry about failing my family and what friends I still have.  I wonder all the time if the next 40 years will zip by and I will have accomplished little and have nothing to remember but being sad and tired.

It is said that God has a plan for each one of us.  I am listening for God, and I think I hear him.  But maybe I hear what I want God to say.  I don't know how to tell the difference.  I am praying that with God's grace, 2013 will be a healing year, a renewal year for broken me.

Gymnastics redux

My last post about Spears family gymnastics was written in January of 2009.  With both the big girls no longer competing and my last day of coaching behind me, I thought we were done.  Competitive gymnastics is a huge time sucker, and although we all missed it terribly it was also a relief and a necessity with the arrival of three new littles during the next two years.

But then, Gabby Douglas happened.  And Candace and Sarah went gaga for gymnastics.  So, here we go.  A couple of weeks ago, they had a Holiday Showcase at their gym... an opportunity for the rec kids to show their parents what they have learned.  I thought the twins did pretty well.  Not sure if competition is in their future or not... coach Paula is cringing a little over some of that form, but as a mommy I was pretty proud.  :)

Disclaimer:  I have no idea which twin is which in most of these pictures.

Sarah stretching

More stretching

Sarah (top) and Candace waiting to start.

Marching to first event... Sarah left, Candace right.

 On the big beam

 Cartwheel on the low beam.

 Cartwheel on the floor.

Kickover

 Vaulting

 Finished!  Candace blocking Sarah's face...

Holly jolly Christmas 2012

Ho, ho littles at the O'Connor family party.

Chicken dance with the O'Connor cousins.

 My cousin Crystal modeling her new

 white elephant inspired look.

Emily plays Santa on Christmas morning.

Grandma Miles and Percy joined us for Christmas this year.

 Thomas loves opening presents!

Sarah and Candace love their new Nooks!

Sometimes ninjas and various Lego dudes

 visit one of our nativity scenes.

  Our beautiful children... plus Bobby dog.