Getting to know you

Sylvia loves Bobby. Sylvia wants to snuggle with him in the dog cabinet all the time. Bobby, alas, is not reciprocating her enthusiasm. At least he's not running away from her in terror now. :)

Mr. Personality

It's interesting to watch as Thomas moves out of his "honeymoon" behavior and we get to see his real personality. Generally speaking, he is a happy kid and easy to parent. He is kind of wiggly and makes a lot of those weird little boy noises. He certainly is interested in the details of his next meal. Here are some pictures that capture some of the facets of his sweet personality.

He is destined to be the class clown...
always trying to make us laugh.

Do you see a recurring theme here?

He wears many hats... sometimes literally.

He can pout like nobody's business and turn on the waterworks instantaneously when needed... no surprise to any of my fellow adoptive parents of Ethiopian children, I'm sure.

But most of the time the Thomas we see
has the sunniest smile around!

Soccer finale

I got these photos from one of the other "soccer moms"... just had to say that. ;) They are from the final game of the season, which was actually a couple of weeks ago. Thomas had a blast playing, and best of all, he made a friend!

Playing in the final game of the fall.

The Blue Team

Soccer buddy Zachary

This is Ethiopia!

Ethiopia is a very poor country and a lot of the international press about it subsequently features pictures of poverty, drought and famine. But... Ethiopia is very beautiful and so much more than that. I have decided to periodically feature a photo that reflects this beauty and the culture of Ethiopia, so readers who are unfamiliar with the country can see why we love it so much.

Here is the first one!

Bora, Ethiopia...
A small village in the Gamo-Gofa zone of the SNNPR.
It is about six miles up the mountain from the town of Chencha
One of the most beautiful places I have ever visited.

First snow

First snow of the year and first snow ever for Thomas! We have had a cold and wet day today, and for awhile there were big fat flakes falling from the sky. Thomas was disappointed in the lack of noticeable accumulation, but we assured him that he would get to see plenty this year. I'm sorry to say I don't share his enthusiasm, but I am so grateful to his lovely preschool teacher, Mrs. Martin, for taking him outside to experience the snow and get his picture taken for this exciting first!

They're hard to see in the pictures,
but the flakes were big, wet and fluffy.

I love that face!

A happy Halloween

This is the third year for the twins to take part in Halloween, and Thomas' first! I'm pretty sure Thomas had no idea what to expect, but he was excited because he got to wear his soldier outfit. Candace and Sarah started their festivities with a party and parade at school, which I was sure to attend because last year I was informed that I was the only mommy who didn't come. (Statement followed by much snubbing and pouting.) I have photographic evidence of my attendance this year. Thomas had a party at preschool as well, and so the excitement level was high in the hours leading up to the big event. I'm pretty sure a good time was had by all.

Supergirl Candace in the school parade.

Cleopatra Sarah has a regal wave... not. :)

With the jack o'lanterns they carved with Daddy.

Ready to hit the streets!

Anna and the littles

Hello Kitty!

We live in a neighborhood development, but out in the country. Most of our neighbors are seasonal and aren't around much. So, we were a little surprised to find a tiny stray kitten crying piteously in the plantings up next to our house. Weirdly, I was just thinking the night before that it would be fun for the littles to have a kitten... then, pouf! one is deposited in our front yard!

She's very teeny, maybe four weeks old at a guess. I saw no mama or siblings around, but I suspect she is from a litter of feral/farm kitties. Tomorrow I will take her to the vet. She's not eating well and she has a little infection in her eye although she is healthy looking overall.

The children were overjoyed... both the bigs and the littles. We have named her Sylvia.

Sylvia

Hello, Kitty...meeting the other pets (minus one cat, Lucy).

It's a dream come true for Candace and Sarah!
They have wanted a kitten for a long time.

Reluctantly "snuggling" with Thomas

The littles built Sylvia a "house" with Barbie dollhouse furniture... Bridget checks it out.

Candace has been practicing her nurturing skills.

Camp out

We've been promising the littles for quite some time that we would take them camping. Tom got a new family sized tent for his birthday a couple of weeks ago, so this weekend we made the trip to a nearby state recreation area. It is conveniently located so close to home that we were able to set up camp, go to Mass on Saturday evening and then head back to our camp site. Plus, we avoided the whole cooking over an open fire or camp stove by bringing pizza from town after we went to church.

Although it rained a drizzly mist while we were setting up the tent, the rest of the evening was pretty clear and cool. The kids had a lot of fun "hiking", playing with sticks and avoiding monsters in the dark, in addition to all the usual campfire activities. The night was chilly but the sleeping bags were warm and everyone had a great time. Looking forward to going again!

Our campsite

Hiking in the wilderness

Little kids with big sticks.

The intrepid parents

The traditional camp meal... pizzeria pizza.

Sarah really enjoyed scary story time.

Getting ready to roast marshmallows for s'mores.

Mother to mother

This is Saba Ayalew of Dessie, Ethiopia.


This is one of her two teenage sons.


Here is the write up on Saba from Because Every Mother Matters' new sponsorship program for mothers struggling against poverty in Ethiopia:

"She is 35 years old, and has a 16 year old boy, and a 13 year old boy in grade 5. She has a lot of back pain, and we think is suffering from a fistula. Saba was born in Lalibella, and moved to Dessie 12 years ago. She is not eating regularly. Her goals are to make bread and sell vegetables in the market. Saba is the mama who lived in the house that was basically a tin room, it was maybe 5' x 5'. BEMM rented her a new home, with a new bed, new blankets and sheets. She even has electricity!"

Saba's new home

Clean new bedding

Sponsorhip means little things like a clean bed, and bigger things, like help starting an income generating small business for her family.

What a difference hope can make!

We are the happy new sponsors of Saba Ayalew and her family. Sponsorship is a three year commitment of $55 per month. Cam you provide hope to a mother and her family? Please go to Because Every Mother Matters and find out about other mothers who need help and hope to keep their families together.




Many thanks to Amy Smith of BEMM for these beautiful photographs!

Guilty love

If you know me in "real life", you know that I have a fretful nature. I am not one of those people who easily "lets things go". When I get something in my head, I tend to let it stew around in there for a good long time, particularly at night when I'm supposed to be doing something useful, like sleeping.

When we started our first adoption process over three years ago, I was consumed with the idea of fulfilling my desire to add to our family by adopting a child from Ethiopia; a child who had lost her family and would blossom under the love of ours. Three years later, I know a lot more about the reality of adoption and have developed knowledge about attachment difficulties, kids from trauma backgrounds and the ethical issues that swirl around international adoptions.

Whew. Sometimes, it just makes me tired.

Because I do care about ethics in adoption, and I do care about what's right for the kids and birth families. I do. I lay awake worrying about it and our family has become passionate about the plight of kids and mothers in the third world.

I am constantly reading, reading, reading... discussions about adoption ethics, discussions about attachment, discussions about poverty. Some say that adoption is a crime against children; they should never be removed from their birth families or cultures. Some say it's a mandate of Christianity to adopt the orphans and place them in families. Some say that it's an elitist oppression against the third world. Some say it's a chance at a "better life". Some just don't care.

I'm tired. And guilty.

Why guilty? Because... I just love my adopted children so much. So much that my heart is almost bursting. Unconditionally, without reservation; just as I love my three older children. When I touch their precious heads while they're sleeping or hear their sweet giggles... I just feel love. Love.

Sometimes I just want to forget about all of the adoption baggage and just focus on the love.

I hate that my love is at the cost of their loss. Loss of family and culture due to complicated circumstances beyond the understanding of a little kid. But sometimes, I admit, I just want to feel that love. I don't want to think of all of the bigger issues, I just want to love them and hold them and revel in them. I want to feel that bond of love and family without feeling guilty about the family far away.

For what it's worth, I am a centrist when it comes to adoption. Adoption can be good; or it can be horribly wrong. Sometimes it is somewhere in the middle.

But love is good. And I love them so much. I just want to hold them and thank God for the gift of them and just bask in love. I don't have all of the answers; and I will keep asking questions and most likely fretting... but sometimes I just want to have all the love without the weight of the past. Even if that's unrealistic.

Friends

Today was an early dismissal day from school due to parent-teacher conferences. We were lucky enough to have the twins' friend Dayna stay with us after school until her dad could get home from work. After Tom and I attended both conferences (glowing reports by both teachers!), we scooted over to Thomas' preschool for a surprise early pick-up and then all six of us went to local favorite Cheri-O's for ice cream.

The remainder of the afternoon was spent by the littles in a loud and raucous game that involved lots of screaming and multiple changes of clothing from the dress-up basket. Overall, I think the day was a big hit.

Back in the saddle again

Candace in summer of 2010

I realized last week after about the umpteenth screaming, crying fit over something trivial that we were missing a very important person in our lives... Cathy, also known as The Wonder Therapist. We started seeing her about two years ago, and she has been crucial to our family's growth and well-being as we worked through attachment and trauma difficulties. Our last visit was several months ago... we waited too long. The lesson learned here, by me, is that maybe our need for professional help is permanent. And that's okay. We don't have nearly the drama that we used to have on a daily basis, but there are still insecurities that pop up and old issues that come back to the forefront. It's just another example about how parenting my adopted children can be so different than parenting my birth children.

If you live in Nebraska, I highly recommend the therapists at the Attachment and Trauma Center of Nebraska in Omaha. If you live elsewhere, I recommend finding an experienced attachment/trauma therapist or counselor for adopted children who have experienced trauma, grief or loss (which really, is most of them, right?) Tom and I have learned so much from Cathy and we have been so much better enabled to help our children heal. We're planning on having ongoing monthly visits for the foreseeable future... saddle up.



p.s. This is also a good time to remind readers about my favorite book on adoption and attachment, The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis. You can find it on my bookshelf in the left hand column, just click on the picture of the book to learn more!