Happy New Year, 2010

We rang in the New Year with a trip to Disney World. I am happy to report that it went surprisingly well, despite a trying 3+ hour drive in bad weather to the airport in Kansas City, and the ridiculously large holiday crowds at the park. It was a little chilly while we were there, but a lot warmer than the subzero temperatures we came home to!

Kids on Main Street

Sarah and Candace with Snow White... Candace's favorite princess!

Tom, Anna and the twins swimming on one of the warmer days.

Meeting Mickey and Minnie

The stockings are hung...

in hope that dear Santa will soon be here!

Gathering as a family....

Remember the real reason for the season!

Merry Christmas

Our day in court

Today the twins were officially re-adopted according to the laws of the state of Nebraska. Their names are now legally Candace Selam Spears and Sarah Fikir Spears, and they are United States citizens. This is the end of the road for the tedious international adoption process.

In the court room of the Saunders County Courthouse

Sarah and Candace posing with the judge up on the bench. They also enjoyed playing with the microphones at the lawyers' tables when the judge was out of the room.

Santa Claus is coming to town

I feel safe

We had our first working therapy session at the Attachment and Trauma Center of Nebraska on Saturday. I feel so hopeful now that we will be able to get some healing started. Candace and I learned a song to sing together when her "mad brain" is starting to take control.

To the tune of "Farmer in the Dell":

I am safe, I am safe. Hi ho, here we go, I am safe.

I am calm, I am calm. Hi ho, here we go, I am calm.

We're supposed to sing it in a place where Candace usually feels calm and relaxed, like Mommy's rocking chair. It can be done while rocking or while clapping our hands together in a clapping game. We've used it several times already, and it makes us both feel more in control. :)

The weather outside is frightful

But the Christmas tree is delightful!

Six months and the magic of Lite Brite

Today is the six month anniversary of coming home with Candace and Sarah. Here they are posing with their first complete Lite Brite creation. It's the same Lite Brite my teenagers played with when they were little.

They have come a long way in six months. We still have lots of work to do in terms of attachment, but maybe we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe it's the Lite Brite at the end of the tunnel... ha, ha.

The first glimpse

One year ago today, we got our first glimpse of our new daughters.

We were officially matched with the twins the next day. I still can't believe how lucky we were. We are so blessed to have them in our family.

A lot to be thankful for

Our five greatest blessings.

Things we struggle with, part 4

Grief, anger and guilt.

Let me start by saying I love both of the twins so much that my heart feels like it could overflow. They are a huge blessing to our family.

Tom and I read a lot of books about adoption before we brought our girls home, and we thought we were ready. Sometimes the grief felt by them is staggering... it's more than they can handle and more than we can handle, too. There is anger and rage both at their Ethiopian family for leaving them, and toward us for bringing them to America. And the guilt is piling up all around... we sometimes feel guilty for taking them from Ethiopia, and they somehow feel with the logic of little children that they are to blame for losing their birth family. I also feel guilty toward my other children for subjecting them to the now frequently emotionally chaotic nature of our home.

Compounding the problem for Tom and me is that we don't really know why the twins were given up for adoption. We were told their parents died, but we don't know the reason their great aunt brought them to the orphanage. We haven't been successful in prying any details out of the in-country staff in Ethiopia, and there is nothing in our court documents that sheds any light. I just want to understand so that I can help the girls understand. They miss their great aunt very much.

I think we are going to start counseling at the Attachment and Trauma Center of Nebraska for at least one of the twins. I have been taking a class on attachment there the last several Saturdays, and the counselors are wonderful. I want her to know she is blameless and that it is okay to love both her old family and her new family. I need the help too. The emotional roller-coaster has been tough.

Things we struggle with, part 3

Food. I don't like to make meal times a struggle and am pretty lenient about food, but our twins give "picky" a whole new meaning. My daughter Anna has been an extremely picky eater since birth, and she was less aggravating at five years old than Candace and Sarah. At least she was consistent about what she would or would not eat. With the twins, they may love it today and hate it tomorrow. Here is what they will eat at any time: McDonald's chicken nuggets and fries, cheese pizza, pasta, Omaha Steaks hamburger patty on the grill (only-don't try to fool them with a cheap substitute), bacon and ramen noodles. Sometimes they will eat grapes, bananas and apples. They don't like "normal" kid foods like applesauce or macaroni and cheese. They don't like spicy food unless it is Ethiopian food. Forget milk. Or juice, unless it is mango. Eggs... no. Pancakes... no. Rice... no.

I am having a hard time coming up with food to feed them and the aforementioned older picky daughter. We are getting tired of spaghetti. Have I mentioned that I really don't like to cook?

For now, I am relying on the magic of multivitamins and calcium supplements. And hoping that an expansion of the acceptable foods list is in the future.

Losing my mind, one night at a time

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the miracle of bedtime snuggling and how it had solved our annoying going-to-bed woes with the twins. Well, I spoke too soon... it isn't working anymore. I lay up there for an hour and still frequently leave with wide awake twins. This evening, I forgot a book in their room, and turned around to get it after I had just closed the door. Candace was already out of bed preparing for her first foray downstairs.

The twins have been home for 158 days, and I have put them to bed on each and every one. Maybe 20 of them have been relatively stress-free. That's 138 days of aggravation, and I am just about ready to lose my mind.

Help.

Five months

Today Sarah Fikir and Candace Selam have been home with us for five months!

Happy Halloween!

Fall fun!

The twins' preschool had a field trip yesterday to Vala's pumpkin patch. They didn't know what a pumpkin patch was, but they were very excited to go. Our local "pumpkin patch" is a rather elaborate autumn destination with many attractions as well as acres of pumpkins to choose from... right off the vine.

Sarah and Candace posing in one of the zillions of fall scenes

Chosen from the audience to pick a winner in the Pigtucky Derby. Darn, team purple came in second.

Making corn angels. It's Nebraska.

Bouncing!

Choosing just the right pumpkin

Riding the John Deere train... what a fun day!