Self portraits

Candace Selam


Sarah Fikir

Bring Sveta home

This little girl needs to come home.
Please click here to find out how you can help.

I'm going to Ethiopia

BEMM is going to Ethiopia with Doma International! Click here or on the picture to read all about it. I'm very excited to be going on this trip with my friend Steffany. I have sent the check to Doma, sent in the visa application to the Ethiopian embassy... I'm really going!

"Everlasting Spring" provides hope for children

50 sponsors in 5o days... will you be one?

Yezelalem Minch is a grass roots organization in Ethiopia devoted to helping children stay in their families when faced with the prospect of becoming an orphan on the street due to the death of one or both parents. Yezelalem Minch helps provide children with food, clothing and education. YM helps to keep families together by providing support to caregivers. For the children who sadly have no one, they provide a home in addition.

You can give all this to a child for just $30 a month. $1 a day.

For me, that's less than my daily "good morning Diet Coke" at the drive-through.

Click here to see my friend Kara's Smilebox slideshow of YM. You can get the contact information at the end of the slideshow (slide 40). You can also ask Kara how you can receive a wonderful free DVD about Yezelalem Minch... how it came into being and stories about some of the children it is assisting. It is profoundly moving and I highly recommend it. Just in time for Orphan Sunday on November 7!

Foolproof

Finally, the foolproof method people have been asking for to tell the twins apart:

Candace was visited by the tooth fairy last night. So until Sarah becomes inspired to wiggle her tooth loose and pull it out (as Candace did), the gap-toothed one is Candace and the one with all of her teeth is Sarah.

About their shirts: Sarah Fikir's Ethiopian name means love in Amharic; and Candace Selam's means peace. Hence the heart and peace sign on their shirts. Yeah, I'm pretty clever like that.

Back to the drawing board

Within the last week, both of the twins have been back to visit with Cathy, our attachment and trauma therapist. Have I mentioned how much I love her? I don't know why I didn't take them sooner. It's so easy to get caught up in everyday life and not notice all the little things that could use some work until they are great big things slapping you in the face. Starting school and the stress that brought with it was a wake-up call that our attachment and trauma issues are a work in progress. It's amazing to Tom and me how immediate the improvement is after an hour with Cathy. Not totally "fixed", but improvement you can definitely see. Also, we can definitely use a refresher on our attachment and trauma parenting from time to time. So here's to paying attention and going back to the drawing board.

Biometrics appointment scheduled!

We got a ton of dossier paperwork completed today! Everything Tom and I have to complete is finished and notarized. I sent the powers of attorney and the home study off to the Nebraska Secretary of State to be certified. We got our required two passport photos taken; I don't know what they use them for, but you need them for the dossier. We got a letter we needed from our finanacial advisor in the mail today and... we got a notice of the date and time for our biometrics appointment for USCIS today! It is in one month, which seems really far off, but at least we have an appointment. One more letter from the Saunders county sheriff and we are done with the dossier, except for the immigration approval.

A glass of milk

I should know better than to post about the tempestuous nature of Candace's emotions taking a turn for the better. Yesterday, at dinner time, we had another set-back, all caused by this:

More specifically, caused by the unfortunate inability of the above pictured glass of milk to morph into this:

No, there was no strawberry milk in the house... not even any strawberry flavored syrup. A major meltdown was had, which managed to linger in a lesser form all the way through bedtime.

Actually, I was anticipating this meltdown. It had been brewing since bedtime on Saturday, when I read the girls a bedtime story that I thought they would enjoy: a lovely book called Yafi's Family, which is about an Ethiopian boy adopted by an American family. I thought the twins would enjoy hearing a story about a child like them. Alas, it hit too close to home, I think. Sad and angry feeling were dredged up, and we all got to experience the brunt of them.

I feel so stupid. And sad.

Moving foward

Sometimes I think that Candace and I have come a long way in our relationship. I know now that she does love me. She knows that I love her. I believe she trusts me to keep her safe and to stay with her always.

Then something might happen, like school starts. Things are "new". Different. Maybe a little scary. And all of our great progress seems to go right out the window. Back to the volatile behavior; "I love you, Mommy" one minute directly segues into a toddler-like wailing tantrum the next. It is so draining. And I frequently find myself responding in a less than positive way.

Time to remember that my sweet little girl is a work in progress. I tell people that my littles have been broken, and we need to help them mend. But it's so easy to forget in the heat of the moment and just be angry at what appears to be juvenile and manipulative behavior. Behavior that is really a cry for reassurance and structure.

The steps backward are discouraging, but I think overall we have gone mostly forward. I'm going to try to stay mindful... mindful of the needs of a little person who has had an awful lot of very hard things happen in her short life. To let her know it's okay to move forward, that I will be right behind her, every step of the way.

Fretful

I am a fretful person by nature. Here are some of the things I am fretting about right now:

1. One of the twins seems to be having trouble making friends at school.
2. Our home study still isn't officially approved by the placement agency.
3. I can't mail the I-600A in without the home study
4. I have a sad lack of social interaction with adults since we moved out to the country.
5. I'm second guessing my new hair cut.
6. One of my dogs is getting old and decrepit.
7. There is entirely too much yelling going on at this house.

This is just a sampling. There are several other things that I just don't want to list on my blog. I am not sleeping well (nothing new) and have been having a lot of headaches. I am wishing that a lack of appetite would kick in because I could stand to lose a few pounds.

Labor Day weekend

We had a fun weekend for Labor Day. First up, on Friday the twins and the other little girls from summer cheer/dance camp performed with the big girls at the AGHS football season opener. It was fun, and the Bluejays were victorious!

Candace, Anna and Sarah at the game

Yesterday, we had some extended family over for a barbecue and some lake fun. Sarah and Candace enjoyed having a bunch of kids around to play with, and Tom and I had a great time visiting with my cousins.

Candace, Sarah and cousin Caden rolling rocks down the slide into a bucket.

Adoption Experiences

Last week, my blog was added to a web site called Adoption Experiences. I am happy to be asked to participate in such a great listing! There are blogs there focusing on all different aspects of adoption: older child adoption, international adoption (many countries represented), attachment, domestic adoption, special needs adoption... you name it, there will be a blog relating to it! You can get there by clicking on the button located in my sidebar on the left of this page. (Scroll down past My Blog List.) Enjoy!

A frustrating lack of progress

I haven't posted anything about the progress over our second adoption lately because there is nothing to report! (Hint: use of italics here indicates extreme frustration.) While we are very happy with our agency's excellent reputation and meticulous attention to detail, apparently the wheels of progress turn very slowly at this very large agency. We are waiting for our home study to be approved so we can send in our I-600A. Also, apparently we aren't allowed to be privy to the items needed for our dossier until our home study is approved. We know what goes in the dossier from completing our first adoption, but since different agencies tend to want things done in slightly different ways, I can't really get any of it done until we get the green light from CHSFS.

On our first adoption, we had all the paperwork done except for the I-600A approval about six weeks after the agency application was turned in. Clearly that is not going to happen this time. I hate feeling like I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs. :(

A public apology

Dear Mom,

I wish to offer a heartfelt apology for every time I said "yuck", "eww", "but I don't like that" or made any other disparaging comment or horrid face regarding any meal you ever lovingly prepared for our family. Including, but not limited to, the noodles with the ham cubes.

Most sincerely,

Your Loving Daughter

The first day of school

Today was the big day... the start of the 2010-2011 school year. The first day of kindergarten!

Sarah was a little apprehensive, but Candace was very excited to get the ball rolling!

They were both all smiles as they got off the bus!

Big sister Anna started her junior year of high school today, too. I can't believe my little Anna is that old. Here is a picture of her goofing around during cheer team photos. New uniforms this year! Anna is on the left.