Things we struggle with, part 1

Getting along with dogs.

We have pets. Lots of pets. Three Boston terriers and two cats, to be exact. Currently, that's "all." I've been wheedling for a goat, horse or miniature donkey for awhile, but I don't think it's happening anytime soon. But I digress.

In the above photo, Candace is with Bridget, her preferred dog.

Both of the twins have had trouble adjusting to the pets, particularly the dogs, and particularly Candace. Sarah actually seems to be okay with having a dog sit with her on the couch now, but Candace still acts like they are carriers of the dreaded cooties. She especially has trouble getting along in a friendly fashion with Bruno, our mature dog who has an unquenchable interest in the game of fetch. Candace has been known to throw his toys away or outside in order to get him to stop bringing them to her. Today I found one in the toilet. This was all kind of funny except that she was starting to be physically aggressive with Bruno, and we were afraid that either she would hurt him or he would bite her. She didn't understand that dogs can't speak or understand human language. We have been encouraging her to try to be nice to them several times a day.

Here she wanted me to take her picture with Bruno... he doesn't really trust her yet and was beating a hasty retreat... but progress is being made.

October snow... first snow!

When I woke up this morning, I saw this:

Candace and Sarah were very excited and couldn't wait to go outside. Luckily I was able to scrounge up two pairs of kid-sized gloves and a couple of hats... no boots, though. I guess I better get on that, and they need snowsuits too. I wasn't expecting to need them quite this early, however!

Four months

Candace and Sarah have been home with us for four months now. Really, the anniversary was yesterday, but I was too tired to write anything. Too tired physically and exhausted emotionally. I love those little girls so much that sometimes my heart hurts. Sometimes I just gaze at them and think about God's miracle that placed them in our family. They are so cute and so smart and so resilient. Those are the good parts. But sometimes they have so much anger and sadness and other hard emotions... I just feel drained. I try so hard to be the comforting mom, the one who can make things better, but sometimes I just don't feel like I can stand one more minute of the demands of emotionally needy five year olds or the needs of the equally emotionally needy teenage siblings. So a lot of days end up with me being the tired and impatient mom who wishes her husband was less busy with his new job and that everyone could deal without me for just one darn day! And then of course, guilty Mom rears her ugly head.

I guess I know that I can't fix the past for the twins even though I wish I could. On the plus side, although grieving issues have intensified, day to day living is easier than it was two or three months ago. The girls love preschool and gymnastics and can communicate well enough to participate in both. We still have issues with bedtime, but there are far fewer tantrums. The sense of entitlement seems to have diminished and both girls act more appreciative of the things they have.

Step by step, I guess. We'll make it.

AGHS Homecoming

Last weekend while we were visiting Emily in Ames, Anna stayed home for her homecoming dance. She looks so grown up these days... here she is with her boyfriend Ethan, his brother and a friend.

And here she is with Ethan before the dance. Thank you big brother Kenneth for taking good care of Anna. I felt bad that I couldn't be in two places at once last weekend!

Cyclone family weekend

Last weekend was family weekend at Iowa State. Tom, the twins and I went to Ames on Saturday and stayed all night to visit with Emily. We had a tailgate dinner with her roommate Maggie's family before the game... which we did not attend, as the twins don't actually appreciate football much. The next morning, we took Emily and Maggie out for brunch and then toured the campus with Emily. We rounded off our too-short visit by making some fun crafts at the Memorial Union.

Candace, Sarah and Emily in the dorm.

Tom and Emily

Me with my beautiful oldest daughter.

Good night

Candace and Sarah snuggle up while Anna reads them a bedtime story. What a great big sister!

Let the Americanization begin

Last week, I posted about a remark Sarah made that cracked me up. Today it was Candace's turn. We were on the way home from dropping Anna off at the large suburban high school where she has diving practice. It's about a 50 minute round-trip from our house. Candace was in the back seat, whining about how hungry she was and bemoaning the fact that we had to take Anna to diving practice at such a (and I quote here) "faraway castle."

Hmmm... too many Disney princess movies?

Out of the mouths of babes

Today I was impatiently encouraging Sarah to hurry up as we were late getting out the door for Anna's diving practice, and Sarah was lolly-gagging in the bathroom. "I can't hurry!" she fumed at me. Exasperated, I demanded to know why. "Because I'm five," she said.

Oh. :)

School!

Candace and Sarah started pre-K today. They were very excited and have been counting down the days for two weeks. Here they are with their bag of school supplies. They had a great time at school and each told me they did a "good job!"

We also had a fun weekend with Grandma and Grandpa Miles (visiting from Indiana) and our local cousins. We got to go out on the boat a few times, which the girls love. Daddy let each of the girls have a turn at the helm. Sarah did a lot of posing on board; she likes to have her picture taken.

Last but not least, a picture of the twins after their bath. They love bath time and they love their fuzzy pink bath towels.

A good family

Yesterday we had a visit with our social worker, Michelle, so she can prepare our first post-placement report to be sent to Ethiopia. It's been almost three months since we came home with Candace and Sarah. We have had trying times, fun times, sad times, hard times and loving times. We're all learning to be a different family than the one we were prior to June. It's not perfect, but it's a good family. :)

Here are some pictures I took today when Anna and I were playing outside with the twins.

Sarah and Candace on our beach

Candace on the trampoline

Sarah

Anna, Sarah and Candace

Candace, Mommy and Sarah

Umm, it was a make-up free day, don't hold it against me.

Every girl is a princess...

Born to be royalty, just like their mommy.

Spreading her wings

This is a picture of Anna, Candace, Sarah and Emily in front of Emily's dorm at Iowa State. We moved her in on Saturday to start her career as a Cyclone. This is one of those difficult parts of parenting... it's our job to help them grow up; but it's hard to let them leave. We miss you, Emily. XXOO

A beautiful day

Today, on day 67 at home with our twins here in rural Nebraska, a minor miracle has occurred... we had our first conflict free day! No tears, no yelling, no running off, no pitching fits of any kind... from the twins or me! Or anyone else in the family! And this includes both a trip to Target where no toys were purchased and the dreaded bedtime. It's a beautiful day. :)

Two months!

Today Candace Selam and Sarah Fikir have been home and part of our family for two months. I will say that the second month has been a lot easier than the first. Communication has improved by leaps and bounds as the girls learn more words and are using simple sentences in English. We have fewer blow-ups and tantrums as rules and expectations remain consistent. Bedtime continues to be a bit of an ordeal most nights though.

The very best development of the last two or three weeks is simply... love. I as a mom have fallen in love with my twins in a concrete way as opposed to the more abstract love we felt for them while we were waiting for them and right after we came home. I feel like an attachment is growing for them too and they feel a real connection and love for me.

That's nice. It makes me feel that eventually, everything is going to fall into place. I'm still tired, we still have some not-so-good days, but everything is going to be good.

The lucky ones

There are two other families from our agency that received their referrals about the same day we did in December. They had court dates on the same days we did and failed to pass court for the same reason. For some reason, our case was approved in April and theirs were not. Both of these families wait for sibling groups, so five children are still in the orphanage in Addis Ababa instead of at home with their forever families. I have met all five of them, and they are beautiful. I am so thankful to have Candace and Sarah at home, but the seeming randomness of the situation makes me feel so frustrated for the other families... and a little guilty. Why were we the "lucky ones"?

I would like to ask everyone who reads my blog to pray for these two families. Please leave a comment and let them know that you are praying for them.